For this day

So begins a new era of my life. On May 17th my precious daughter Sarah was married to her cowboy beau. Today though was the morning that their fuly loaded truck and trailer pulled out of our driveway for Montana where they plan to live for the foreseeable future. No surprise - we've been expecting this for more than a year. But I think you are never ready for one of your kids to leave home. Sarah's not the first - Gill left a few years ago but she only went across town and we see her almost every week.

So we've all been crying a lot in the last couple of days. I couldn't help but think about everytime we did something - that this would be the last time it would happen - at least in our home and maybe for a long time.

Every so often Sarah and I would walk our dogs together. It gave us a chance to talk and just get away from the house and be alone. Sunday we took one more walk. Both of us just cried most of the way and held hands while we walked.

Last night before bed time we all sat on the couches and mostly just looked at each other - or maybe NOT looked at each other. Everytime I caught Sarah's eye, we both started to cry.

But my wife said something this morning that I will have to keep going back to whenever I start to get weepy or anything - she said we have raised her for this day. We've had her for 25 years and now she starts her own new life adventure with her husband. We'll still be a part of that life but she's on her own now.

I know this is so old fashioned and 70s but I was hoping my daughter would play Noel Paul (of Peter Paul and Mary) Stookey's "Wedding Song" at some point in her wedding (but I never mentioned this to her) I know this became as cliched in the 70s as Pachebel's Canon is today. But I still love the song. One line comes from scripture - " A man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home. They shall travel on to where the two shall be as one." Sarah left her home today. I also can't help but remember the words of Ruth to Naomi - "Your people shall be my people." Sarah is going to be with her husband Caleb's people -his family in Montana. And they will be one - with each other. And that "one-ness" will be the strength that will carry them thru hard times - and hopefully help Sarah during her transition to a new home and an extended family.

We are all sad but we are also very happy. Not sure how to find the balance between the two. I also remember my first post about their marriage - Bittersweet. I guess that's how this still feels.

Conflict Resolution

A week or so ago I was waiting at my favorite Chinese fast-food place for my order (Sweet-and-sour chicken, all-white, no won tons, extra rice - they know my order without me even saying it and call me by my first name when I approach the counter.) It is a small place so while you wait you may stand close to others either waiting or eating. I'm not European enough to share that kind of space with people but in this case you have to.

On my left was a table of scruffy young men with knit hats and lots of tattoos. On my right was a young man and his pretty (wife, girlfriend - who knows). The boys were loud and somewhat profane. The young man turned to them and asked them to stop and he used the phrase "There is a lady right here." I don't guess I've heard that used quite that way since I was much younger when people used to say "pardon my french" when they cussed. The 'boys' mostly ignored him. A minute or so later he repeated his request. Things began to heat up and the boys began to taunt him back by using a certain word that begin with the sixth letter of the alphabet.

I was worried that this would get even hotter and someone would stand-up and the next thing you know a brawl would ensue. If I frequented biker-bars more regularly (or even at all) maybe this is commonplace. But for me it is rare. I began to think about what I would do if they started in on him. They had him outnumbered 5 or 6 to 1.

He whipped out his blackberry-style phone and called someone and used the term "dispatch" which let me know either he watches too much TV or actually knew someone in 911 or the Police dept. Either way two of the loudest boys made their exit so I was not tested.

I'd like to think I would have somehow stepped in to help the one young man. But I really don't know what or where I'd have been if fists started flying.

the Color of Shadows

For some reason a couple of months ago I got an idea for a short story and as I began to mull it over I added a component of Autism. I have no idea why. I've never really known anybody with autism. But I started noticing articles about it and clipping them. Then I expanded into books by or about autistic people. One I am reading now is "How Can I Talk if My Lips Don't Move?" by Tito Mukhopadhyay (absolutely no idea how I found this book or how to pronounce the name.)



One chapter is about shadows. The simple point to make here is that he noticed that shadows all had the color of where they FELL, not of the thing casting the shadow. My hand is flesh colored but its shadow might be a darker shade of the concrete it falls on or the grass beneath me.

As I read about autism I realize that these folks don't see the world in the same way I do and in some unusual ways, they may see more of it. That is going to be part of my story if I can ever get it written.