So begins a new era of my life. On May 17th my precious daughter Sarah was married to her cowboy beau. Today though was the morning that their fuly loaded truck and trailer pulled out of our driveway for Montana where they plan to live for the foreseeable future. No surprise - we've been expecting this for more than a year. But I think you are never ready for one of your kids to leave home. Sarah's not the first - Gill left a few years ago but she only went across town and we see her almost every week.
So we've all been crying a lot in the last couple of days. I couldn't help but think about everytime we did something - that this would be the last time it would happen - at least in our home and maybe for a long time.
Every so often Sarah and I would walk our dogs together. It gave us a chance to talk and just get away from the house and be alone. Sunday we took one more walk. Both of us just cried most of the way and held hands while we walked.
Last night before bed time we all sat on the couches and mostly just looked at each other - or maybe NOT looked at each other. Everytime I caught Sarah's eye, we both started to cry.
But my wife said something this morning that I will have to keep going back to whenever I start to get weepy or anything - she said we have raised her for this day. We've had her for 25 years and now she starts her own new life adventure with her husband. We'll still be a part of that life but she's on her own now.
I know this is so old fashioned and 70s but I was hoping my daughter would play Noel Paul (of Peter Paul and Mary) Stookey's "Wedding Song" at some point in her wedding (but I never mentioned this to her) I know this became as cliched in the 70s as Pachebel's Canon is today. But I still love the song. One line comes from scripture - " A man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home. They shall travel on to where the two shall be as one." Sarah left her home today. I also can't help but remember the words of Ruth to Naomi - "Your people shall be my people." Sarah is going to be with her husband Caleb's people -his family in Montana. And they will be one - with each other. And that "one-ness" will be the strength that will carry them thru hard times - and hopefully help Sarah during her transition to a new home and an extended family.
We are all sad but we are also very happy. Not sure how to find the balance between the two. I also remember my first post about their marriage - Bittersweet. I guess that's how this still feels.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Conflict Resolution
A week or so ago I was waiting at my favorite Chinese fast-food place for my order (Sweet-and-sour chicken, all-white, no won tons, extra rice - they know my order without me even saying it and call me by my first name when I approach the counter.) It is a small place so while you wait you may stand close to others either waiting or eating. I'm not European enough to share that kind of space with people but in this case you have to.
On my left was a table of scruffy young men with knit hats and lots of tattoos. On my right was a young man and his pretty (wife, girlfriend - who knows). The boys were loud and somewhat profane. The young man turned to them and asked them to stop and he used the phrase "There is a lady right here." I don't guess I've heard that used quite that way since I was much younger when people used to say "pardon my french" when they cussed. The 'boys' mostly ignored him. A minute or so later he repeated his request. Things began to heat up and the boys began to taunt him back by using a certain word that begin with the sixth letter of the alphabet.
I was worried that this would get even hotter and someone would stand-up and the next thing you know a brawl would ensue. If I frequented biker-bars more regularly (or even at all) maybe this is commonplace. But for me it is rare. I began to think about what I would do if they started in on him. They had him outnumbered 5 or 6 to 1.
He whipped out his blackberry-style phone and called someone and used the term "dispatch" which let me know either he watches too much TV or actually knew someone in 911 or the Police dept. Either way two of the loudest boys made their exit so I was not tested.
I'd like to think I would have somehow stepped in to help the one young man. But I really don't know what or where I'd have been if fists started flying.
On my left was a table of scruffy young men with knit hats and lots of tattoos. On my right was a young man and his pretty (wife, girlfriend - who knows). The boys were loud and somewhat profane. The young man turned to them and asked them to stop and he used the phrase "There is a lady right here." I don't guess I've heard that used quite that way since I was much younger when people used to say "pardon my french" when they cussed. The 'boys' mostly ignored him. A minute or so later he repeated his request. Things began to heat up and the boys began to taunt him back by using a certain word that begin with the sixth letter of the alphabet.
I was worried that this would get even hotter and someone would stand-up and the next thing you know a brawl would ensue. If I frequented biker-bars more regularly (or even at all) maybe this is commonplace. But for me it is rare. I began to think about what I would do if they started in on him. They had him outnumbered 5 or 6 to 1.
He whipped out his blackberry-style phone and called someone and used the term "dispatch" which let me know either he watches too much TV or actually knew someone in 911 or the Police dept. Either way two of the loudest boys made their exit so I was not tested.
I'd like to think I would have somehow stepped in to help the one young man. But I really don't know what or where I'd have been if fists started flying.
the Color of Shadows
For some reason a couple of months ago I got an idea for a short story and as I began to mull it over I added a component of Autism. I have no idea why. I've never really known anybody with autism. But I started noticing articles about it and clipping them. Then I expanded into books by or about autistic people. One I am reading now is "How Can I Talk if My Lips Don't Move?" by Tito Mukhopadhyay (absolutely no idea how I found this book or how to pronounce the name.)
One chapter is about shadows. The simple point to make here is that he noticed that shadows all had the color of where they FELL, not of the thing casting the shadow. My hand is flesh colored but its shadow might be a darker shade of the concrete it falls on or the grass beneath me.
As I read about autism I realize that these folks don't see the world in the same way I do and in some unusual ways, they may see more of it. That is going to be part of my story if I can ever get it written.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Once more with feeling
Nothing new but a re-stating of an old idea.
I heard two people arguing back and forth about Obama and Clinton this a.m. on NPR and one thing they both said stood out: Either one of them represents a major change from the Bush 43 administration. So with that in mind I repeat some earlier advice and ideas for Sen. McCain:
1 - Lay low until the convention.
2 - Raise tons of money and horde it for the fall campaign.
3 - At the convention make the best speech of your life which will include:
a) a promise to not run again - to only serve one term no matter what and
b) announce that your choice for Veep is a woman, Hispanic or African-American. If you can find someone who gets two out of those three then all the better.
4 - Don't feel it is being disloyal to distance yourself from Bush. Make your case on Iraq and stick with it. At the end of the day, sticking with your own idea, opinion - even if not one shared by everybody, is better than doing a John Kerry ( I voted for the war but I was really against it so then I voted against it because I really was ...) I think people still respect strong opinions if you stick by your guns rather than flip-flopping all over the place.
If McCain had a Karl Rove-type person I'd send this to him/her but since I don't know that contact this will have to do.
I can almost guarantee if he manages to do #3, he wins in November.
If not, then it's going to be a close race or maybe not even close at all.
My thoughts on the GOP side of things.
I heard two people arguing back and forth about Obama and Clinton this a.m. on NPR and one thing they both said stood out: Either one of them represents a major change from the Bush 43 administration. So with that in mind I repeat some earlier advice and ideas for Sen. McCain:
1 - Lay low until the convention.
2 - Raise tons of money and horde it for the fall campaign.
3 - At the convention make the best speech of your life which will include:
a) a promise to not run again - to only serve one term no matter what and
b) announce that your choice for Veep is a woman, Hispanic or African-American. If you can find someone who gets two out of those three then all the better.
4 - Don't feel it is being disloyal to distance yourself from Bush. Make your case on Iraq and stick with it. At the end of the day, sticking with your own idea, opinion - even if not one shared by everybody, is better than doing a John Kerry ( I voted for the war but I was really against it so then I voted against it because I really was ...) I think people still respect strong opinions if you stick by your guns rather than flip-flopping all over the place.
If McCain had a Karl Rove-type person I'd send this to him/her but since I don't know that contact this will have to do.
I can almost guarantee if he manages to do #3, he wins in November.
If not, then it's going to be a close race or maybe not even close at all.
My thoughts on the GOP side of things.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
4ths
Shakespeare through one of his characters, declared “Beware the Ides of March!” which portended the demise of Julius Caesar on March 15.
I guess it was while listening to U2 sing “Early morning, April 4, a shot rings out through the Memphis sky …” (not withstanding that Martin Luther King was actually shot at 6 p.m.) that I started thinking about the 4th day of the month. The Kent State shootings just two years later were also on May 4.
At any rate, the 4ths of each month are as a whole, pretty bad days. Lets hope today is not one of them.
In January 1999 Jesse Ventura was sworn on as Governor of Minnesota.
In February 2003 Yugoslavia disappeared as a country – replaced by Serbia and Montenegro. I’m not even close to understanding what is happening there now.
On Feb. 4, 1969 Yassir Arafat became head of the PLO.
Not all bad things happened on the 4th. On March 4 1789, our Constitution went into effect
June 4 1989 was the 2nd day of the Tianenmen square massacre where thousands of Chinese students were killed.
July 4 for all its notoriety has been a bad day for former Presidents. In 1826 both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson died. In 1831 James Monroe died. In 1939 Lou Gehrig made his farewell appearance at Yankee Stadium (ironically his jersey number was 4.)
On August 4, 1892 Lizzie Borden killed her parents. In 1914 Germany invaded Belgium which brought Britain into WWI. Thirty years later in 1944 Anne Frank and her family were found by the Nazis in Amsterdam.
In 1957 on Sept. 4 nine black students attempted to enter Little Rock's Central High School but were blocked by the National Guard.
The Russians launched Sputnik on October 4 in 1957. Years later in 1970 Janis Joplin was found dead of a drug overdose on another October 4.
Russian troops attacked Budapest and crushed the Hungarian revolt on November 4 1956.
On Nov. 4 1979 The American embassy in Tehran, Iran, was seized by militants and 90 Americans taken hostage.
In Nov. 1995 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, was assassinated by another Israeli.
And unless you count Frank Zappa’s death on Dec. 4 in 1993, the 4ths of December have been pretty quiet.
I guess it was while listening to U2 sing “Early morning, April 4, a shot rings out through the Memphis sky …” (not withstanding that Martin Luther King was actually shot at 6 p.m.) that I started thinking about the 4th day of the month. The Kent State shootings just two years later were also on May 4.
At any rate, the 4ths of each month are as a whole, pretty bad days. Lets hope today is not one of them.
In January 1999 Jesse Ventura was sworn on as Governor of Minnesota.
In February 2003 Yugoslavia disappeared as a country – replaced by Serbia and Montenegro. I’m not even close to understanding what is happening there now.
On Feb. 4, 1969 Yassir Arafat became head of the PLO.
Not all bad things happened on the 4th. On March 4 1789, our Constitution went into effect
June 4 1989 was the 2nd day of the Tianenmen square massacre where thousands of Chinese students were killed.
July 4 for all its notoriety has been a bad day for former Presidents. In 1826 both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson died. In 1831 James Monroe died. In 1939 Lou Gehrig made his farewell appearance at Yankee Stadium (ironically his jersey number was 4.)
On August 4, 1892 Lizzie Borden killed her parents. In 1914 Germany invaded Belgium which brought Britain into WWI. Thirty years later in 1944 Anne Frank and her family were found by the Nazis in Amsterdam.
In 1957 on Sept. 4 nine black students attempted to enter Little Rock's Central High School but were blocked by the National Guard.
The Russians launched Sputnik on October 4 in 1957. Years later in 1970 Janis Joplin was found dead of a drug overdose on another October 4.
Russian troops attacked Budapest and crushed the Hungarian revolt on November 4 1956.
On Nov. 4 1979 The American embassy in Tehran, Iran, was seized by militants and 90 Americans taken hostage.
In Nov. 1995 Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, was assassinated by another Israeli.
And unless you count Frank Zappa’s death on Dec. 4 in 1993, the 4ths of December have been pretty quiet.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Turning the other cheek
I heard an incredible story last week on NPR.
There is a project called Story Corps that gets people to record their stories as sort of an oral history project. I'll save you the time and the link and print the transcript here with credit to NPR. This is Jesus' instruction to turn the other cheek, or go the extra mile etc. played out - no, LIVED out in real life.
A Victim Treats His Mugger Right 
Morning Edition, March 28, 2008 · Julio Diaz has a daily routine. Every night, the 31-year-old social worker ends his hour-long subway commute to the Bronx one stop early, just so he can eat at his favorite diner.
There is a project called Story Corps that gets people to record their stories as sort of an oral history project. I'll save you the time and the link and print the transcript here with credit to NPR. This is Jesus' instruction to turn the other cheek, or go the extra mile etc. played out - no, LIVED out in real life.
A Victim Treats His Mugger Right
Listen Now [3 min 12 sec] add to playlist
EnlargeMorning Edition, March 28, 2008 · Julio Diaz has a daily routine. Every night, the 31-year-old social worker ends his hour-long subway commute to the Bronx one stop early, just so he can eat at his favorite diner.
But one night last month, as Diaz stepped off the No. 6 train and onto a nearly empty platform, his evening took an unexpected turn.
He was walking toward the stairs when a teenage boy approached and pulled out a knife.
"He wants my money, so I just gave him my wallet and told him, 'Here you go,'" Diaz says.
As the teen began to walk away, Diaz told him, "Hey, wait a minute. You forgot something. If you're going to be robbing people for the rest of the night, you might as well take my coat to keep you warm."
The would-be robber looked at his would-be victim, "like what's going on here?" Diaz says. "He asked me, 'Why are you doing this?'"
Diaz replied: "If you're willing to risk your freedom for a few dollars, then I guess you must really need the money. I mean, all I wanted to do was get dinner and if you really want to join me ... hey, you're more than welcome.
"You know, I just felt maybe he really needs help," Diaz says.
Diaz says he and the teen went into the diner and sat in a booth.
"The manager comes by, the dishwashers come by, the waiters come by to say hi," Diaz says. "The kid was like, 'You know everybody here. Do you own this place?'"
"No, I just eat here a lot," Diaz says he told the teen. "He says, 'But you're even nice to the dishwasher.'"
Diaz replied, "Well, haven't you been taught you should be nice to everybody?"
"Yea, but I didn't think people actually behaved that way," the teen said.
Diaz asked him what he wanted out of life. "He just had almost a sad face," Diaz says.
The teen couldn't answer Diaz — or he didn't want to.
When the bill arrived, Diaz told the teen, "Look, I guess you're going to have to pay for this bill 'cause you have my money and I can't pay for this. So if you give me my wallet back, I'll gladly treat you."
The teen "didn't even think about it" and returned the wallet, Diaz says. "I gave him $20 ... I figure maybe it'll help him. I don't know."
Diaz says he asked for something in return — the teen's knife — "and he gave it to me."
Afterward, when Diaz told his mother what happened, she said, "You're the type of kid that if someone asked you for the time, you gave them your watch."
"I figure, you know, if you treat people right, you can only hope that they treat you right. It's as simple as it gets in this complicated world."
Produced for Morning Edition by Michael Garofalo.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Immigration
There has plenty ado about immigration and McCain and this being one (of many) issues where the conservative rank-and-file wing of the GOP, takes issue with him.
I confess several things: Yes, this is a really big deal. No, I do not have a great idea on how to solve this thing. Is it THE thing on which I will base my vote for President? No.
While there are parts of this that certainly are moral issues – I’m not ready to put all my voting eggs in this one basket.
It is quite possible that a Democrat, a Republican, a Libertarian or a combination of any or all of these just might have the long-term answer for how to deal with this thorny issue.
I hope we get a smart enough person in the White House who will surround themselves with even smarter people who aren’t afraid to stand up to him/her and say “No, Mr(s). President, you are wrong.”
I got to the middle of a book by Newt Gingrich (Real Change) before the library said I had to take it back. Many do not like Gingrich or agree with him but regardless he seems like an extremely smart guy. One thing he talked about is some legislation called “Simpson-Mazzoli.” In 1986 under then Pres. Reagan, this law was passed that supposedly would solve our immigration mess. 1986 – 22 years ago.
It was Yogi Berra who coined the “Just like déjà vu …” phrase which seems so apropos here. Read this article [ Enacting Immigration Reform, Again By Romano L. Mazzoli and Alan K. Simpson] which can be found here.
Wikipedia also has a reasonable summary. OR you can go to the Library of Congress which also has information.
Spanish/American philosopher and poet George Santayana (1863-1952), said something to the effect that he who does not remember the past is condemned to repeat it. Seems like all of our politicos would do well to review the whys of this 20+ year old legislation and why it didn’t solve the problem and apparently doesn’t/didn’t work before they spend countless additional hours trying to re-invent the same wheel.
I confess several things: Yes, this is a really big deal. No, I do not have a great idea on how to solve this thing. Is it THE thing on which I will base my vote for President? No.
While there are parts of this that certainly are moral issues – I’m not ready to put all my voting eggs in this one basket.
It is quite possible that a Democrat, a Republican, a Libertarian or a combination of any or all of these just might have the long-term answer for how to deal with this thorny issue.
I hope we get a smart enough person in the White House who will surround themselves with even smarter people who aren’t afraid to stand up to him/her and say “No, Mr(s). President, you are wrong.”
I got to the middle of a book by Newt Gingrich (Real Change) before the library said I had to take it back. Many do not like Gingrich or agree with him but regardless he seems like an extremely smart guy. One thing he talked about is some legislation called “Simpson-Mazzoli.” In 1986 under then Pres. Reagan, this law was passed that supposedly would solve our immigration mess. 1986 – 22 years ago.It was Yogi Berra who coined the “Just like déjà vu …” phrase which seems so apropos here. Read this article [ Enacting Immigration Reform, Again By Romano L. Mazzoli and Alan K. Simpson] which can be found here.
Wikipedia also has a reasonable summary. OR you can go to the Library of Congress which also has information.
Spanish/American philosopher and poet George Santayana (1863-1952), said something to the effect that he who does not remember the past is condemned to repeat it. Seems like all of our politicos would do well to review the whys of this 20+ year old legislation and why it didn’t solve the problem and apparently doesn’t/didn’t work before they spend countless additional hours trying to re-invent the same wheel.
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