The Roads Not Taken

With apologies to Robert Frost for mis-using his wonderful poem in something so mundane as a blog, here are my musings on big choices not made – choosing not to do something is still making a choice – albeit sometimes in a negative sense. Waxing way too philosophical here but my focus is more on what I chose NOT to do rather than what I did.

They say we think more about the things we didn’t do rather than the things we do. Often these are a source of regret. I don’t list them in that manner although in some cases they do make me wonder.

Here are some of the big ones in chronological order:

Summer of 1962 – My parents were finalizing their divorce. My dad asked me one day who I would rather live with (tough question for a father to ask and tough for a 10 year-old to answer) so I would be prepared in case I had to go before the judge. Honestly at that time I was closer to my mother but had also just been through a pretty rough few months. I told my dad I wanted to stay with him. I never went before a judge and from that point on, I lived with my dad until I left home some 14 years later. In the 1960s it was pretty rare for a child to stay with a father but I’m glad it worked out this way. My dad did a pretty good job of taking care of and raising me. Some day I’ve got to thank him again for that.

Spring 1971 – I played pretty competitive tennis during high-school and during the spring of my senior year started to play for some college recruiters – they may have been coaches but I can’t remember for sure. One day I went to Corsicana, Texas to play at Navarro State Junior College. Corsicana is home to the famous fruitcake-making place. At any rate I was offered a scholarship to this Jr. College. I should note that I was not in the big leagues – I was pretty good but not four-year-NCAA good. After we played we took a tour of the campus and dorms etc. What I recall was that their dorms were in a small motel where the rooms were cinder block walls and it was not on-campus and pretty dingy. I held off giving my answer. A week or so later I played for another JUCO – Paris Jr. College and was hoping they’d make an offer. But my “tryout” must not have been as impressive and they didn’t call back. Meanwhile I decided to go to a four-year school so I enrolled in UTA – the Arlington campus of the Univ. of Texas. I know in my heart (and my game!) that I wasn’t pro-quality material but I always wonder what would have happened if I had accepted that first scholarship and been able to play a couple of years of really competitive tennis.

Late Spring 1975 – two pretty big choices not made

a) Even though by now I was pretty set on a career of some sort in TV or Film, college campuses are pretty full of recruiters for all sorts of things. One of which was an oil company. I can’t even remember their name but the deal was – spend a month on a rig in East Texas (still a pretty big oil patch at that time) then head off to either a place in the south of Iran (the Shah was still the main guy back then) or to a rig in the North Sea off the coast of Scotland. Who knows exactly why but they offered me a position of sorts but only to go to Iran. I only wanted to go to Scotland so I declined.

b) Around the same time I applied to the Peace Corps. Their process (then) took lots of paperwork and time but I finished it up sometime in late Spring or early summer of 1975. I didn’t hear back for a long time until I think the fall. By then I was working for a sign-maker and also as a photographer’s asst. at a small studio. Then the letter came telling me I had been accepted into the Peace Corps. Fill out the paperwork and report to such and such place where I would then go to the island of Tonga. Now go figure but I was dead-set on going to north Africa. I had met a lady who did some National Geographic work in Morocco and I wanted to go there. But those openings were taken so I was assigned to the south pacific. So in my 21 year-old wisdom, I wrote back and said I didn’t want to go to Tonga. I guess you don’t say no to the Peace Corps (Ask not …) because I never head from them again.

Spring 1977

Patti and I had been married less than a year and a friend hooked me up with an oil company in Texas about another job. (What is it about oil companies in Texas?) We took a trip to Texas to see my dad and while there were able to squeeze in an interview. It went well but somehow it just didn’t seem right. The money was OK but nothing to get rich on. Within a few years the oil “bidness” in Texas had one of those “busts” so looking back this is one I feel pretty comfortable about turning it down.

Fall 1989

After more than 11 years working at CBN, I was called in one day to be told that I was being let go in a re-structuring of management etc. – a not-so-thinly-veiled euphemism for “your fired”. But at the same time I lost my management job I was offered a consolation job going back to my old department. I would keep my same salary etc. The catch was someone in that department would be let go instead of me. I remember crying a lot about this one but we/I knew I couldn’t keep my job at the expense of someone else’s so I turned down the offer. A little while later the same position came open again (don’t recall all the details) but this time for less money. I think they went ahead and let the other person go anyway. I turned them down again. Keep in mind, I’m out of work so this doesn’t seem like the best decision going but in my gut/heart/spirit – wherever these things reside, I knew it wasn’t right. I needed to move on. The upshot of all this, one year later to the day from my termination, I was offered the position which brought us to Missouri, where we still live after more than 16 years. And we’ve able to do many things we’d never have been able to do in the city back in Virginia.

Winter 1994/5

Once again I found myself in the category called “unemployed”. I lost my position in some sort of shuffle where new people came in and the old one (me) had to go. I’m still not sure of the whole truth and nothing but the truth on this one but anyway you slice it, I lost my job. During this time of course I’m sending out resumes right and left but not much is happening.

An acquaintance calls from Chicago about a position at a TV station. I fly up on what must have been the coldest day in Chicago history – the wind was blowing off the lake big time and it was just plain frigid! We talked all morning. Had lunch at a restaurant right out of the Godfather and then talked all afternoon. I fly home.

During the same time I had interviewed for a position locally but nothing was definite yet. It needed some more approvals to be official. But once again that old gut/heart thing told me to decline the Chicago job BEFORE it was offered AND while I was waiting on a final decision on the pending job here. So I make the call and tell the nice folks in Chicago to take me out of consideration. Two weeks later I started the job that I hold today.

For the last year or so I’ve been more focused on the decisions I make with a goal to avoid regret. Trying to make conscious choices to DO things rather than not do something. A friend and I were talking today and he kept coming back to the amount of time we have left to make a difference and how it only grows smaller. I don’t want to dwell on that – I’d just like to use this small look back as some sort of reminder to make good choices.